So I get a random IM from _ _ _ _ _ _ the day after I post my last blog up. Guess what it says? " I'm blocking you from this and that. I don't want anymore contact with you.I'm throwing out everything you ever gave me. Its not because I chose her, its because I love her." First off, we had no contact to begin with, besides from the IM he sent me where we started talking about my blogs and stuff, we didn't speak through anything else. I mean, I had him on Myspace but I never used it to look for him and I didn't even bother adding him on Facebook. Now, I knew this guy once. I knew him a lot. And somehow I can't accept the fact that he said this to me. It sounds more like they came from the girl he's with. Whether they were written, dictated or, just said by her. _ _ _ _ _ _ has a good heart. He comes from a great family and he wouldn't lower himself to that. Not that I can say the same about his girl. Anyways, I tried to tell him that we don't have any contact anyways and that throwing out all the things I had given him (which by the way, I told him to do a while ago and he refused to because apparently they were memories and it also helped him remember why he is who he is today) won't really change anything. He can throw out all the solid stuff but one thing no one will ever be able to throw away or erase from him is the memories he has. All the experiences we went through and the time we spent together. So tough luck Sweetie. Anyways, in the processes of trying to talk to him he just shut me up. Another thing is, if he truly loved her as he says he does than he would know when to put his foot down and tell her how things are. Not let her control him like he's her very own puppet.

Later on I found out that his girl had been a stalker as usual and apparently went through my blogs and instantly threatened him to forget his past or forget her, then basically breaks up with him on Facebook. (Thanks to the people that are supposedly her friends lol) Ewww that's so childish. She didn't even have the "titties" to break it off in person. So, knowing _ _ _ _ _ _, and how loyal he was, he probably just wanted to make her happy and did as she said.

Anyways, talking to his mother she told me how his girl had stopped by her house just to throw out everything that I gave him or that dealt with me. Obviously his mom didn't approve of it and she said a piece of her mind to his girl and also said that she doesn't see _ _ _ _ _ _ going to her house to throw out everything she had received from her ex's. By the way _ _ _ _ _ _'s mom is the best person I have ever met. The strongest woman I know and also the smartest. She's definitely like my second mother and no matter what happens between me and him I will always love that woman.

So back to the theme of this blog, no hard feelings though. I still love him after all this. Ugh but I'm so disappointed in him. I miss him. And to top it off after that I have basically ran into him twice. Nothing but a glimpse of him do I try to get. He's said hello, but I don't understand why. I mean no contact means not even a look my way should be coming from him, right? But I've gotten those, when she's not looking. Is there still something there? Am I making to much out of nothing? Can a part of him still be the _ _ _ _ _ _ I knew and loved? I honestly don't know if I'll ever truly know. But I hope someday I do. Till then I'll keep dreaming of my prince charming as he use to be. Cause no matter how much I try to forget him or not think of him, he's the one person that's always in my dreams.

A request from _ _ _ _ _ _ _ himself.
On my last blog I wrote about how we broke up, but now he wants me to add a bit more of details to make it more "truthful." So here you go.
Not only did _ _ _ _ _ _ _ call me and try to get a hold of me. He did it a lot. To a point where I felt suffocated and kind of stalked. I felt that my ex had become some sort of insane stalker. He would be everywhere. I had even heard that he was following my best friends around. Honestly, this scared me A LOT. This made me want to push him away even more. But I was ignorant. He loved me. And all he was trying to do was get me back. Instead I took it as he was just obsessed. Last night I also found out (which is a part he wanted me to add) that he had gone to PA and came back just to be with me, but then found out that my plans were different. I had no idea this had happened. I didn't even know he wasn't in NYC at the time. My plans weren't different. I just didn't know his. Which made us take different turns. All I knew was that he was moving and I had to end this to make things easier on the both of us. But I, personally, learned that maybe the easy way out isn't always the best way out.
Anyways, another missing piece according to him, I choose the person that was at the moment giving me a roof over my head. This meant to _ _ _ _ _ _ _ that I had chosen someone else over him and I had no "real" feelings for him. Bullshit. But you know, maybe one day he'll truly understand. I have faith in that. It's all I have left. Faith.
"It was a fairy tale... at least it was to me. My fairy tale. You can believe otherwise."
So it turns out that even when I pour my thoughts, heart, and soul out, they aren't perfect enough. And although he says I chose him. At the end of the day, _ _ _ _ _ _ _ chose her. That says more then enough. But if she makes him as happy as he makes it seem, then all I can do is be happy for him and just keep my distance as I've been doing.
...I hope this is better for you.

He was my high school love. My first love and I was his. We completed each other. Everything was perfect. No other couple could compare. Yeah, its true, we were unreachable. Anniversaries were great. But we made month-aversaries. The best of the best. With just baking cookies or treats were good enough. As long as we had each others company. Don't get me wrong. We also went out on certain occasions.
Our love was definitely incomparable. During classes we would write love notes to each other. We'd buy little gifts for each other, just to show how much we cared and how we thought of one another. We'd meet in the hall way or he'd wait for me after class just to walk me to my next one. No matter what, he was always standing outside, ready to walk me to where ever it was I had to go. I never understood how he did that. He'd always be out there as soon as the bell rang. Its like he ran to see me.
Anyways, two years of this amazing relationship had passed by. Obviously not everything was perfect. We hit some rough bumps a couple of times but that was nothing. We would always manage to keep moving forward. You know, the whole kiss and make up process. But as our relationship continued, our bad days were becoming more and more of a routine. We were both very stressed out. See he had just found out that not only was he not going to be able to graduate on time with me, but also he found out he and his family were moving. Can you believe it? The love of my life was moving. Not any place nearby but a couple of hours away. My heart was broken. My boy friend was leaving. I wasn't going to be able to graduate with him and prom was going to be impossible. Things just got to us. Love was sorta fading away. Actually, it wasn't. It was just being overpowered by all the anger and sadness we had inside.
And then it happened. A tiny fight broke us apart. I broke us apart. Stupid me. I had just had it with everything and I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to hurt. Nor did I want to hurt him. I thought to myself, "things will be easier this way. No one will get hurt. He won't have to pick between me and his family. It's the right thing to do." Boy, was I wrong.
Seeing him in school was hard. But we had agreed to be friends. Even so he'd still come over every morning to go to school with me, which I made him late to everyday. Lol. But he didn't mind. Well not enough to make him stop coming each and every morning. We were still madly in love with one another but the only difference was I had promised myself to make sure this was the end. I kept pushing him away. I tried to spend more time with other people. Ignored his calls and messages. It was insane. But I still kept my word.
Graduation came and by the time prom came _ _ _ _ _ _ , was the one I wanted to go with but also the one I couldn't go with because it would just put us back to where we started.
Soon after that problems at home were getting bad. I ended up moving out and that was the second biggest mistake of my life.
_ _ _ _ _ _ still tried to get me back. We'd talk from time to time. And he wouldn't give up on me. During this time, we met up two-three times. You can sense the desire we had for each other. A single touch would put goosebumps throughout all our bodies. He helped me out a lot. No matter what. And to this day I appreciate everything he did for me. It was obvious, I still had feelings for him. Strong ones too. I just wanted to throw myself at him. But by then it was even more impossible for us to get back together. It wouldn't have been right. Things were different and I depended on someone else for shelter.
On our last meeting I told him he had to move on. That it wasn't fair for him to keep any hopes with me. I said "you need to be happy. Moving on might be best. We could still be friends. I'll always love you but we just can't be together anymore." He kept telling me how he changed thanks to me. How he's a better person and how much he loved me. That he could never love anyone the same way and after me, anyone he was with would only be a fling and nothing real. He also said he didn't want to move on and that I was the only person he needed and wanted.

The hardest day of my life had been that day.

It all started at the Jump start Academy. Ninth period was were we met. An old friend's name was brought up, he asked, "do you know Joey?" Blushing, I responded "yeah, how do you know about him?" Our first words to each other were actually questions about an old friend from middle school who had a crush on me for like ever. Turns out Joey was his best friend at the time and I had been in their conversations a couple of times.
Funny how the world works, I ended up moving shortly after that into my old neighborhood. The neighborhood in which he too lived in. We rode the bus together right after ninth period and I asked him to walk me home. He did. On our way we talked about all kinds of nonsense. Christmas, streets, his family, my family, and one of the weirdest things was when I told him that he'd be mine someday, and married we'd be. He looked at me and smiled. Thing was, I wasn't really planning on it. It was just a joke. I wasn't even interested at the time. But I guess I wasn't lying.
Our ninth period class was math, must I mention my worst subject and his best. Arguing about god knows what, we both got up from our seats, class was almost over, and well he just raised my chin softly and faced me to him...giving me the most unexpected, unforgettable, oh so memorable kiss. It felt like everything got silent. I could feel all eyes on us. My foot almost did the fairy tale "pop," you know, the thing that all girls do with their foot when their prince kisses them. The moment was kind of stopped by our teacher. She told us to save that for after class and have a seat. I was stunned. 0.0 I had no idea of what had just happened. Speechless. The only thing I knew was how amazing everything felt at the time. May 10th, 2007 was the day of our first kiss. Five days later we became official.